roadtripconversations

Mirror

2008-07-12T20:03:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I have posted on this blogspot. But I have missed writing. Freely putting my thoughts out there for all to read. Sounds so poetic. Recently I just returned from a trip to South Korea. Growing up I knew I would one day visit Africa and fall in love...with the continent. And that I did. When talking about returning overseas....Asia was never on the radar. But God has a way of revealing Himself in the places we never thought to take a look. So I was in Korea for a little over two weeks working with children. I left for the trip with only one expectation...to have my world ROCKED by Jesus. He always goes above and beyond what we could ask or imagine. Going to Korea was like standing infront of the mirror removing the bandages from my eyes...bandages that prohibited me from seeing me. In the mirror I saw the girl who loves to love...and have that love received by children who are hungry for a touch of warmth, comfort, and acceptance. I saw the girl who thrives in a community full of laughter, tears, vulnerablity, and love. I even caught a glimpse of the girl created to create ways to express a deep love for her Savior. The experience was intoxicating. I worked hard, played hard, and loved even harder. There were days when I wanted to take a nap or sleep in...but the desire to approach each day with the wonder of what the God of the universe was going to do...was more than enough motivation for me to keep going. I experienced John 10:10. And it was good. It was not utopia or a bubble where I resided in out of the ordinary situations that would normally not take place in the real world...I was experiencing reality. The reality of a God who desires us to experience Him in every nook and cranny of our lives. I drank in every moment that I could and licked the bone clean. And I walk away hoping that I remember what I saw when I looked in that mirror. For it was me.

Love in the Details

2006-05-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the Oprah's Legend's Ball. Now for those who know me well know my thoughts on Oprah. But based on the weekend that she provided for such legends as Coretta Scott King, Cicely Tyson, and Dr. Maya Angelo...I can definitely say that I tip my hat to her. During the program she was explaining what went into planning the grand weekend. And she made a comment...everything had to come together because love is in the details. At that moment I actually agreeded with something Oprah said. I started thinking about things or events that I have planned and how excited I get about putting all of the little details together. Even if the recipient is not aware...I still love the details. And then I started thinking about my life (Just like Mary J. Blige sings, "If you look at my life and see what I've seen") and how God has been so intricate with all of the details in my life. Of course some were easier to spot than others and many more I have probably yet to realize. And perhaps some I never will. But there is this overwhelming calm at times that reminds me that He is in control. And what He is planning is so grand that I can not even fully wrap my mind around it. Sometimes I have to remind myself that God is not only the beginning and the end...but everything in-between. Yesterday I was driving and attempting to give God a little advice on what I thought would be the perfect timing for something as well as the way it should take place. And then He said...where were you when I gave the stars their names. Yeah...I was quickly reminded that He does not need my counsel...He pretty much has it all under control. Even the details.

Love

2006-04-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that God offers Grace. I am thankful that He receives me. How can I possibly think that I can make it a single day without Him. He is simply sooooo good. He is always present...even when it seems like He is miles away. He holds my life in His hands. He knows me by name...and He calls my name. He doesn't hide or play games. He doesn't shut down or ignore me. He is never moody...but accepts me even when I am. He never lies...He only speaks Truth. He knows every single broken part of me...and He longs to heal it. He doesn't push me away but pulls me closer. He promises to never leave me. His songs are always sweet. Even when He must discipline me...He does so because of love. With Him I am never too emotional or too overwhelming. He listens...always. One of my favorite movies is First Knight. Mainly because of one scene. Sean Connery ( who is very attrative though he is 70 years old) is leading his new wife to the edge of this little cliff so he can show her all of the land that belongs to her. The reason why I love that scene is because I always imagine that when I see Jesus face to face...He will take me by my hand, tell me that He has been waiting for me, and then He will show me the place where I will spend forever with Him. People think I have this great big heart...so full of love. Wrong. Truly the only good thing in me is Jesus. I want to be like Mary of Bethany and pour everything at His feet. Disregarding everyone else around me. Simply because He is Jesus. Saying I need Him every hour is an understatement. The other day I was feeling a little blah...but I knew I could not give up. He has placed this hope so deep within me. Not necessarily a hope for one particular thing...but just hope. I thought about the beautiful hymn...O Love that Wilt Not Let Me Go. So true. I may never walk an aisle here on earth...but with everything that is within me...I know that I have been chosen to be His bride. And right now that is more than enough. Sometimes I just think....it is not a dream...I really will get to see Him one day...face to face. What a day of rejoicing that will be.

He really does know me.

2006-04-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days when you just need to know that someone out there truly does know you to the core. So let's get real for a moment. Last night I was having a conversation with my mother. We were talking about things taking place in the black church. Now...I would be naive to think that are society is unaware of the stereotypes attributed to the different ethnicities...so I am not going to try and be politically correct. Anyway, I made the comment that I love being black. And she did not believe me. I was floored. She then said there was a time when she believed I did not want to be black. Her reasoning was because in college I started wearing flannel shirts. I was completely devestated. My father told me that I should cross the bridge and get over it. I told him that I expect a comment like that from someone who does not know me...but not from my mother. I know that I will get over it...right now those words just echo in my head. I have said before...being black is not something that I have to try and become...it is something that I am. And I am very proud of that. But last night my little heart was so sad. I thought if my mother does not know me...(and that is what it really felt like) then who else is there. So I had to turn to some Truth before my overanalyzing mind kicked into full gear. And I read Ps. 139. Two things I just kept reading and saying in my mind over and over again. (much like Nelly and Tim McGraw...see if Nelly can sing with a country singer...why can't I like a little Rascal Flatts) Not only does my Father know me...but He has known me and He understands my thoughts. That is rich. Sometimes I take that for granted. But last night I grabbed onto that Truth. I am just me. The other day I reminded a friend to go to the Lord because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. This is a burden I have carried for a long time. I can actually remeber the first time it became a burden...But I am tired of carrying it. So now that I know a little more about the One who knows and understands me...maybe I can take Him at His word even more and get some freedom in this area of my life.

Identity

2006-04-10T18:59:00.000-07:00

I have been watching this new reality show lately...Black and White. They take two families and they switch races. They try and find out what it is like to be the other race. It is a very interesting show and makes me ponder several things. I am always aware that I am black and I am always aware that I am a woman. Those two things are not going to change. I love being black!!! I enjoy learning about the rich heritage of African-Americans and the things that we as a people have endured. I love being a woman. What a gift. ( Not saying that being a man is not a gift!!!) I love feeling soft and feminine, yet possessing this strength that is full of grace and beauty. I enjoy learning about women in the Bible and the beautiful way that God has used women. Amazing. There is another part of my identity that I am just now starting to truly embrace. Ambassador of Christ. That is very much a part of who I am. Even though I have been told that I do not fully represent the stereotypes attributed to black people...being black is not something I have to try and become....it is who I am. As much as I try...I can not become an Ambassador of Christ...it is who I am. So what does that mean? I better know Who it is that I am representing. I have to know His character, His name, His love. I have to know Him.

Still there?

2006-03-28T11:58:00.000-08:00

I love being with people who are down and out. Not because it makes me realize that I am blessed...but because I am able to offer love to someone that feels rejected and alone. That is how I first met Jesus almost 12 years ago. About 5 years ago I was in Mobile, Alabama as a site director. While visiting one of my track leaders at a nursing home, I broke away from the group to visit this cute little lady who was sitting alone in her wheelchair in an empty room. I remember that she was wearing something blue. That is not important...but I just remember that fact. I knelt down beside her and realized that she was blind. She was so beautiful. She had lots of wrinkles on her face and hands...so I knew that she had lived. I try talking to her but she did not respond. So I decided to sing to her. After singing Amazing Grace, I sang " I Can Only Imagine." After I finished I was quiet for awhile...but then her sweet voice said, "Are you still there?" Though I was sitting right beside her...she did not know I was there...but wanting the affirmation of not being alone...compeled her to speak. Last night I was weary. I could not hear Jesus singing over me...and so I asked Him if He was still there. Of course He is...but I needed to know. King David needed to know...several times he needed to know. He is not going to leave. But sometimes I get turned around and I have to beg Him to come and find me. He is so good. I am glad that His word ( praise Him for giving us His Word) promises me that He will never leave nor forsake me. I don't know about you...but I can never get tired of hearing that. Praise Him.

Raw Thoughts

2006-03-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

On Sunday night I went to a Young Adult/Contemporary worship service. This was not the first time I had been to this particular church...but on this night I was having one of those days when you just either want to stay under the covers or have someone give you a hug that seems to last for an eternity. I did not want to go...but I knew that I needed to. So I pulled into the parking lot...there were already tons of people there. ( I normally get there early so I can kind of watch and observe as opposed to being observed. So I took a deep breath and proceeded to walk inside and wait for the doors of the chapel to open. As soon as they did I took a seat in the back (normally I am down front) but that night I wanted to blend in. Of course I whipped out the journal and started writing. So...I am going to share those thoughts in their raw, unedited form. (I feel like I am talking about a movie that is going to be on TV and the announcer says..."viewer discretion advised." No worries...these thoughts are rated G. :)

"Surely I am not the only one who is wonderfing right now if I matter...have a purpose...am needed or wanted....Walking alone through a crowd can at times be a very liberating experience. Not so much today....it is scary and intimidating. But it forces me not to look down at my shoes - but to walk with my head high. Not in a "unapproachable" kind of way - but like I am choosing and enjoying being here alone. It would be very easy to make a list of all that I am not as these "beautiful" people walk past me. But they too had to check the mirror before they left home wondering if they looked "good enough" to come and worship the Creator who always sees us as beautiful. So I take it all in and choose not to plant my feet in this way of thinking...easier said than done? Not at the moment. In a little while we will dim the lights and acknowledge that all who gather here by grace draw near and bless His name. "

I left leaving some things on the altar. It was a good night.

Live at the 401!!

2006-03-08T16:26:00.000-08:00

I do not have a digital camera. The only time this really seems to affect me is when I want to post pictures on this blog. The reason is...and I must be honest ... is only because everyone else leaves pictures and it does add a little something. This past week I went on a road trip. It was great. ( I will write about that later.) At the end of my roadtrip I was able to perform in Nashvegas. Some of the local establishments were looking for new...raw talent. I knew that this would be a great opportunity for me to be discovered. It was also a great time for me to capture this great moment on film and share it with all of you. (whoever you are.) These pictures were taken by my dear friend Erin Whitney (she is the girl who is in the picture with me on the couch.) while I performed at the 401. ( a great place if you have never been) She was a huge support that night. The reviews were great. I was told that I was a mix between Lauryn Hill and Gretchen Wilson. My song of choice for the night was Fancy. It was a great night!!! I think all of the artists that performed are going to be compiled on a special edition ITunes mix. I will let you know when that will be released. Enjoy the pictures.

Life

2006-02-27T21:36:00.000-08:00

I talked to a sweet friend of mine over a month ago. I of course was going on and on before she really had a chance to speak. It was the day after I found out I was going to Boston...so I was talking a mile a minute. When I finally finished she said that she had something to tell me. I could tell by her tone it was pretty important. And then I said..."Are you pregnant?" She was!!!! I started screaming like it was my job. She had to tell me to calm down because I was driving. The excitment that I felt for her was intense. I just kept saying over and over again..."There is life inside of you!" It gave me chills and I was literally shaking. It was such a sweet moment. When my sister told me she was pregnant with her second child...my sweet nephew...I was so excited I actually went to the bathroom on myself. :) Just the thought of life being inside of someone is amazing. Later on that day ( after talking to my friend) I realized that there was also life...Life inside of me. What a gift. A precious gift. And then it also hit me...I have been entrusted with this Gift. As I think not only about Boston...but this life of Righteousness that I have been called, to I have to stop and think about what that really means. I have been entrusted with something precious and rare. And because I care about Jesus and His spirit that is alive in me...I want ( and pray to "want" to more) to see His purpose for me come to fruition. And I want the fruit to be sweet and the aroma to be pleasing. What does all of that mean? I don't know. What I do know is that the Lord is developing something inside of me. And though I have probably experienced every emotion possible...at the oddest times the Lord simply reminds me that He is near. Perhaps like a baby kicking inside of the mother's stomach. I am one of those ladies that loves to touch a pregnant belly. ( i think I just called myself a lady...) He reminds me that He has planted something deep within me...and at the right time...His time...I will see it. Whatever "it" is. And I will look at the situation and know that it was created by God...to bring Glory to Himself...and I was the vessel that He chose to use. Wow. My sweet friend will experience a lot during the next 8-9 months. A lot. In my heart I believe that in my life...as the Lord produces things that will have an eternal impact...I should not expect to go through anything less.

"He has made everything beautiful in His time. He has placed eternity in the hearts of man yet they can not fathom what God will do from beginning to end." - Ecc 3:11

What if?

2006-02-23T15:34:00.000-08:00

What if...

I did not lean on my own understanding - really did consider it pure joy - truly did seek His Kingdom first - loved my neighbor as myself - waited on the Lord - lifted my eyes to the hills - prayed without ceasing - blessed the Lord at all times - casted all of my cares on Him - remained in Him - Entered His courts with thanksgiving - rejoiced in the Lord always - Asked in His name - Thought on things above - dwelled in the shelter of the most High - Was anxious for nothing - meditated on His word day and night

What if I believed...

He really can do immeasurably more - He does know the plans He has for me - He will direct my path - He will hold me by my right hand - He is the Author and Perfector of my faith - He has me carved on the palm of His hand - He will complete what He starts - He will establish the works of His hands - Will make all things new - His love is better than life - His mercies were new every morning - He called me for a righteous purpose - Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world - He really does give me strength

Yesterday my 5 year old niece called me crying...begging me not to move to Boston. Are you kiddin me? And that one phone call sent my mind into a frenzy. I started doubting the move all over again. I was losing my mind. I went to Wal-Mart to put my mind at ease. I almost took a random road trip to a gas station 30m away just to get a frozen drink. But when I stopped...opened the Word of God...that peace came back. I heard the other day that peace is not the absence of conflict, but the acknowledgment of the presence of God. That is what my spirit needed. I had to go back and read His promises. And I was thirsty. I started thinking all of these "what ifs" If I did all of these "what ifs" I would not be perfect...but I would be less of me. And that is really a good thing. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my life is not my own. It is not about me satisfying my flesh...but feeding my spirit. And when I do that...there is a lot more "acknowledgement of the presence of God" in every situation.

Home Sweet Home

2006-02-22T10:40:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I posted a blog about Boston. I think I mentioned that I...at that moment...was not feeling very excited about moving to Boston. :) Well today I feel a lot better. Why? I had to refocus and change my perspective. As I thought about the task before me and all of the things that I do not know about planting a church...I became very discouraged. But as I started remembering the promises of God as well as the fact that He knows me...things in my mind started changing. I have to look at moving to Boston not as a "mission trip"or just another chapter in my life. If I go with that mentality, then I will not really consider Boston my home. But if I embrace that I am moving to Boston...it will be my home...I will have a job with friends and a community...then I will share my life in such a natural way. I will not look at people as just a person that I could lead to Christ and then move on to the next person. But as I live and coexist with them, I will develop a love for them and as that happens I will desire that they know Jesus as their Savior. That is something the Lord has been teaching me since I have been at BBW. I love my co-workers. Some of them are as lost as can be...but they have invited me into their lives and I have been able to share the Truth with them. We share meals together, we encourage each other, we laugh together ( they think that I am extremely extroverted...bless) and I have been able to be there when some of them have cried. They ask me questions about my relationship with Jesus. I love it. I pray for them more than they know. So as I continue to prepare for Boston...I will think about the people that I will see on a daily basis, the community where I will hopefully live...and I think...ok, this will be my home. And that is ok. Actually...today it is a little more than ok. ( I am listening to the Cosby Show and Cliff just told Claire that it is a priviledge for him to wake up next to her every morning....I think I can call it a day after that. :) I am moving to Boston. Wow.

Date with Billy

2006-02-20T17:17:00.000-08:00

Well I just got finished with a date with a man named Billy...Blanks that is. (The Tae Bo guy.) And let me just say...it was good. I am tired of the chunk...so I had to resort to breaking out my Tae Bo tape. He really shows zero mercy. But that is ok!!! So I am working out...have on my work out gear...feeling the burn. Then I notice that Billy is covered in sweat. Now when I say he is covered in sweat...it looks like he just stood underneath a waterfall. His shirt was soaked...sweat was dripping off of his face, arms, chin. And then I realize that I am wearing a long sleeve shirt, working extremely hard...and not a bead of sweat is on my face. I mean I am not even glowing. I have noticed this a lot lately. I can spend 45 min on the eliptical machine...and not just at that slow pitter patter pace...but I am moving like it is my job...and I just feel a little warm. And then it hit me...I am not hydrated. I don't drink soft drinks...maybe a diet coke here and there..but I really don't drink at all. I may have a cup of water while at work and something when I get home...and that is it. So of course I am not going to sweat. I do not have anything to sweat out. Not good!!! And then it hit me...if I don't fill myself with the Word of God...then it is not going to come out of me. How can I expect to encourage my spirit with Truth if the Truth is not in me. That was major for me. I need to have the Word of God hidden in my heart. How can I know the difference between a lie and the Truth if I am not constantly reading, memorizing, and meditating on the Truth. Wow. When I think about the calling I have...to be an Ambassador for Christ...it is imperative that I know the One that I am representing. Not something for me to take lightly. So I need to be in the Word more. For those of you who talk to me on a regular basis...ask me if I have been in the Word. Keep me accountable. Please. I also need to start drinking water. The next time I go out with Billy...I can not have him sweating alone.

Welcom...Masks Not Allowed

2006-02-16T15:14:00.000-08:00

I recently discovered that there are people reading this blog who don't know me. I think what made me really nervous is that I do not know them. I started thinking about all of the things I have talked about in previous posts...Long John Silvers, Michelle Kwan, Cute and Chunky...O my goodness!!! But last night I was driving and I just thought...well that is a part of me. I can change everything that I write about to try and impress those who may be reading...or I can simply be me. So I chose the latter. Why? Because if I walk around with a mask on trying to be someone that I am not...I miss out on the Lord molding me more into who He says I am. He knows all about me. The good, the bad, the weird, the silly...and He loves me enough to not let me stay the way I am. So I have to take off the mask and let Him have His way.
So for all of you who may be reading that I do not know introduce yourself to me...I hope one day we get to sit face to face and have a cup of Chai...and just maybe I will take you to Chuck E. Cheese.

Cosby Show Fun...Part 6 All about Rudy

2006-02-14T11:50:00.000-08:00

Well...it has been awhile since we have honored our favorite TV Family....The Huxtable Clan. But we ( I really do not know who this "we" is because it is just me. O well I digress.) have saved the best for last...Rudy. She was of course, the only Huxtable to make the 100 cutest TV kids list. Rudy was indeed cute...until Raven came along. Poor Rudy. But she did have moments where she stood out and we all said together..."Precious."
This is the last time to rack up points...so make it count. :)

1. Rudy was selected in class to play a certain instrument...but there was another instrument that she really wanted to play. Name both of those instruments.
Bonus...name the friend that had the instrument Rudy wanted.

2. Rudy was in a dance recital. What was her "role"?
Bonus...what was wrong with Claire in this episode?

3. During the "Real World" episode...what role did Rudy play and what was her name?

4. What is Rudy Huxtable's middle name?

5. Rudy and her friends went to a "night club" to see their favorite artist perform. What was the artist's name? What was he celebrating?
Bonus...Who were the three people sent to "spy" on Rudy?

6. How did Rudy and Stanley meet?

7. Why did Rudy steal money from Claire?
Bonus...how was Kenny a part of the situation?

8. What happened in the episode when Rudy was dancing around the room to music?

9. How many slumber parties did Rudy have?

Triple Bonus
10. How many animals were under Rudy's care during the 8 seasons?

I will try to post winners tomorrow. :)

Lip Plumper!!

2006-02-13T17:05:00.000-08:00

I really enjoy working for Bath and Body Works. When I applied for the job last year, I thought that my duties would consist of just holding bottles of lotion while smelling good. I was wrong. (Not about the smelling good part.) There is so much information that I have to know. People want to know what in the products, if they work well, how they compare to other products. On top of the knowledge, I sometimes have to climb ladders, shelves...all while balancing boxes of products. Today I tripped bigger than life trying to get to some candles. Bless!!! Well...we have a new product. An instant lip plumper by Dr. Wexler. (She has been on Oprah...so of course women want to buy it.) Although I am quite satisfied with my lips, I tried the plumper one day in the store. I looked like Angelina Jolie. We carry several products by Dr. Wexler. All of them are proven to reduce lines and wrinkles. Basically...making a woman look younger than she really is. A women came in the store today wanting to buy Dr. Wexler's products. She just turned 60 and she wanted to look younger. But she was beautiful. She had wrinkles around her eyes and mouth...which means she must have done a lot of laughing and smiling over the last 60yrs. I wanted to tell her that she did not need to purchase the products...that she should age gracefully. My grandmother had beautiful silver hair. I can still close my eyes and see it. My other grandmother had beautiful wrinkled hands. She worked hard all of her life and she had the wrinkles to show it. We have hair dyes, face lift-like products, age correction serums. We are telling women they should start using age-reducing products when they hit their 20's. What?!? Men feel insecure when they start to lose their hair. Why? Do we really have to get so caught up in trying to maintain an image. I can't wait til I get gray hair. I look forward to wrinkles. I do not want to look plastic or be full of articficial stuff. I know sometimes I dwell in my world of utopia...but that is ok. She really was quite beautiful. I just wish that she knew she had permission to be beautiful... just the way she is.

Freak Flag!!

2006-02-10T21:42:00.000-08:00

Ok...I just saw the movie The Family Stone...LOVE IT!!! First of all I thoroughly enjoy going to the movies...especially when they hit the discount theater. And I completely relate to Sarah Jessica Parker's character. I will describe myself...and then you will have a better understanding of her character. I came to the conclusion tonight as I was driving home...that I am completely 100% a neurotic, unstable, emotional, random, sometimes flighty, no sense of direction, woman. Yeah...I really am. The preset stations on my radio include the following genres...comtemporary Christian, old school Christian, Soft Rock, R&B Classics, Country, and slighter harder than soft rock. My movie collection includes everything from Braveheart to The Wiz to Dead Poets Society. In my library I have such classic theologians as Tozer and Lewis, the great Piper, the always popular Beth Moore...and then you have Dr. Seuss and a collection of other great children's books. In my nightstand drawer you can find crayons, markers, and construction paper. In my stationary box I have stickers...I mean am I still in the 8th grade? I love the Disney Channel and ESPN. Whenever UofL basketball is on I am like a woman in labor yelling at the TV. I cry when I watch the Waltons or a Wedding Story. I get lost every other day in this city...and I was born here and should know my way around. When I have a lot on my mind...I go into "shut down" mode which freaks a lot of people out. Sometimes it freaks me out. And sometimes I get a little sad that I don't have "it" more together. That maybe if I did, cetain things would be different in my life. (interpret that as you see fit) But I came home tonight, after leaving the movies and going to Wal-Mart (which is a very therapeutic place to be after midnight) there was a letter waiting for me on my dresser from a dear, dear, dear friend. And my heart was soooo happy. Why? Because there are people who see us...me..in all of my freak of natureness...and at the end of the day they are still there. It is those people who help me fly. We all have a little freak in us ( I apologize if that word offends anyone) so let's just take off the masks and say hey...I am a little wierd. Maybe I am the only one. That is ok. Then that means that I am just extra unique. :)

Swimming

2006-02-09T19:06:00.000-08:00

I love to play in the water!!! I can tolerate the Ocean...but it is really the pool that I deeply enjoy. However...I do not know how to swim. Tonight I went to the YMCA to workout and I passed by the pool where they were having swim lessons. It made me think about the time I took swim lessons. Now...I only lasted one lesson. It wasn't because I was lazy that I quit...I was just so very scared of drowning. I was only in the 5th grade...old enough to handle the class...but not brave enough to follow through. Looking back now I realize that I really did not want to learn how to swim. Whenever I put my mind to something...and I believe in it...my entire heart gets wrapped around the situation. But after only one lesson I was just too scared. Now my instructor was extremely kind...but I was just too scared of the possibility of drowning. Now though I still have a lot of fun in the pool...I have gone off diving boards, been to a water park, down water slides, jumped waves in the Ocean...I still wish I knew how to swim. I miss out on doing laps, racing with my friends, going in the deep end while playing Marco Polo. Whenever I go under water I have to hold my nose...which is really hard to do when you are trying to do a back flip. :) I love being in the water. It is soo relaxing. It makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger than myself. As I passed by the pool tonight I thought about my fear of drowning which was preventing me from learning to swim...and I thought about my relationship with Jesus. I love Jesus. O my goodness I love Him. And though I know He is calling me to a life completely and 100% sold out to Him...I get a little scared of what that means. What will I really have to give up? What desires will I be able to keep and see fulfilled and what desires do I have to let go of? How much longer can I be content with just being excited about being apart of something...Someone...bigger than myself. I see Godly men and women who live lives of obedience and surrender. Are they perfect...no...but they know the Savior in a way that I desperately desire to know Him. They daily choose to walk that path that is Narrow...man it is narrow. I live in the world of analogies. I don't have to search and dig to try and put something together to make it "spiritual." It is a part of everyday life for me. Sometimes I want to turn my mind off. But I love it when He speaks to me. It is hard though because I then become accountable with what He has entrusted me with. (sorry for ending that sentence with a preposition) I got it in my mind that I want to lose weight and be healthy...so I go to the gym...even when it is hard. I know in my heart and mind I am to move to Boston...so I start making plans...even when it is hard. But the Savior of the World...the Oh so good Shepherd is extending His hand...desiring to take me into the depth of His presence...and I hesitate. I do not have an eloquent ending. I just needed to get all of that out. (sorry once again for the preposition.)

Cosby Show Fun...Part 5

2006-02-09T10:14:00.000-08:00

Well I have decided to do two posts today. The contest will soon be over...but I wanted to take full advantage of our remaining days. Today I may be getting together with my dear friend Jason Sampler from Seminary...so in honor of good friends...this Cosby show post will be dedicated to friends of our lovable Huxtables.

1. Vanessa had a friend that had a special skill of doing something with great speed. What was the skill and who is the friend?

2. What is Theo's friend Cockroach's( the character) real name?
Bonus...what TV show did this character appear on for several years?

3. We all know and love "Bud" deeply...what was the name of the young man that loved Rudy just as much as "Bud"?
Bonus...what other TV show was this character on as a regular?
Double Bonus...what is the current status of this character?

4. Denise had a friend that was having medical problems. Cliff performed an exam. What was her medical problem?
Bonus...what movie did this young lady star in...that later became a TV show?

5. Theo had a friend in college that shares the name of a well-known restaurant. What is the name?
Bonus...what was the stolen item that this young man gave as a gift to his girlfriend?
Double Bonus...what was his girlfriend's "hobby"?

6. What appliance did Rudy and her friend Peter use without permission?

7. Vanessa's friend wanted to break a rule by doing what in Vanessa's house?
Bonus...what was the comment Rudy made to this friend?

8. Denise had a friend that was doing a Sociology project using the Huxtable clan as her frame of reference. Who was this famous actress?
Bonus...who did she later marry?

9. Who had a crush on Denise while she was in college? (if you get this correct you are my new hero?)

10. Cliff took Rudy and her friends on two "fieldtrips". Where did he take them?

Big Bonus...
Describe the mishaps of Theo's prom.

Cosby Show Fun...part 4

2006-02-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

You all are incredible!!!! I love it. Monday morning...winners will be posted. Everyone who has played will be a winner...but there will be real prizes. :) How much fun am I having? LOTS!!!!

Let me give another little shout out to my place of employment. I get to meet all kinds of people and I love that. Yesterday a girl in her 20s walked in with her mom. I had on my beautiful black and white embroidered head wrap ( maybe I should work for QVC). They commented on how they liked it and wanted to know how I was able to tie it. I told them and then the young lady informed me that she was getting ready to lose all of her hair because soon she would be starting chemotherapy. I let her know that is why I started wearing headwraps a lot more. I told her how I was sick and all of my hair fell out...but I was able to try fun things to compensate. I left out the wig part. :) That made her smile. It was a good day!!

Ok....
Sandra and Elvin....bless!!!

We all felt such a deep love for Elvin because he...well...he struggled at times. But he came an awful long way from the time he insulted Clair to the final episode.
(1st Bonus...tell me how Elvin insulted Clair...the first time.)

1. What sport was Theo participating in when Elvin skipped a concert to help him train?

2. What meal did Elvin cook to make up for insulting Clair?
Bonus...where was the family while Elvin was cooking?

3. What was Elvin's nickname for Sandra?

4. What is Sandra's real name?
Bonus...what is Elvin's last name?

5. What happened to Elvin when Sandra went into labor?
Bonus...name the babies

6. What uniform does Clair find behind the door while visiting Sandra and Elvin in their "new" apartment?

7. Sandra is sick with....when she thinks Clair and her mother-in-law have stolen the babies?
Bonus...where do they take the babies?

8. What was the storyline of the first episode we meet Sandra?

9. What does Elvin try to open for Clair but is unable to...so Sandra opens it?
Bonus...what is it that Cliff tells Elvin to do in situations like this?

10. Elvin was known for hyperventilating...during the process of buying a home...what causes him to hyperventilate?
Bonus...why did they have to postpone their move in date?

Big Bonus...Describe their proposal?

Nicole...of course I remember when Lisa married Lenny. You get an extra 100,000 points for that piece of information. :)

Contestants...extra information can earn you extra points.

Well

Cosby Show Fun...Part 3!!!

2006-02-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

Ok my loyal readers...I apologize for a no-show post yesterday. I unexpectedly worked a full day at the BBW so I was unable to write. But if I may for a moment digress and talk about BBW...yesterday I was working on some freight in the back so I had to take out some of the empty boxes. We have a huge dumpster in the back of the store that share with Old Navy, Lane Bryant, and Victoria Secret. I opened the door and a pipe had busted it seemed so there was water everywhere. Because it has been soooo cold here, the water turned into ice and it looked like a pond. I was sooooooo excited. So I decided to do a little figure skating. (Do not worry...this does not end in me going to the hospital.) It was sooo fun. You would have thought that I was a little child. I did not attempt a double axel...I will leave that to Michelle Kwan. But it was sooo fun adn I am sure that people in the entire summit plaza could here me laughing and "oohhing" with each glide across the ice. :)

Now for what you have been waiting for. Today we will honor the ever stylish Denise Huxtable aka Lisa Bonet. In certain circles we dare not mention her name for her reputation is not that favorable. But for those who are loyal fans of the Cosby Show...we must always support those Huxtable kids. As Theo once said...there is a lot of pressure being the child of Cliff and Clair. Densie brought many young men into the Hutaxble house. Let's test your knowledge on those she dated. I will give you the episode and you tell me what made her "date" stand out, her style, or his style.

1. Pilot episode...Cliff comes downstairs and meets Denise's boyfriend. As they are sitting on the couch...the boyfriend reveals his prevoius "occupation" as Cliff notices something special about his appearence. What was his previous occupation...and what was the something "special"?
Bonus...what comment did Cliff make before he met the young man.

2. (Season 1) Denise was keeping Cliff from meeting one of her boyfriends. In an effort to redeem himself...CLiff gets rid of Rudy and Vanessa and invites the young man over for dinnner.
What was the boyfriends name? What was unique about his sytle...that evening? What did he and Theo have in common...at least from Theo's perspective?
Bonus...what Daytime TV Show is the boyfriend currently on?

3. Season 2. Cliff is trying to have a relaxing day at home but every room in the house is occupied. When he goes into the living room, Denise and her boyfriend are sitting on the couch. What genre of music are they listening to?
Bonus...what is the catchy phrase they keep repeating?

4. Epsiode 1, Season 2. It is the first day back to school. Theo has decided to remove the sleeves from his sweatshirt. What is Denise missing on this day?
Bonus...who is CLiff's first client for the day?

5. Season 7 or 8 Denise is now Mrs. Kendall. Martin's parents are coming over for dinner. Assuming that his parents do not like her...Martin "forces" Denise to wear an article of clothing...to impress his mom...what is the article of clothing?
Bonus...Martin's mom is really a famous jazz singer...do you know who she is?

Again...answer even if someone else already has. I am running late and so I did not proofread this post. Deepest apologies from the author. :)

Cosby Show Fun...Part 2

2006-02-06T10:31:00.000-08:00

Ok...due to the overwhelmingly positive response...I have decided to dedicate the week to the Cosby Show. Moment of silence....ok. At the end of the week I will post the results and the winners. Even if someone else replies...feel free to respond as well. There can be more than one winner.

Today our featured Huxtable will be Theo. As far as what Malcolm is doing now...we do not know. But we wish him all the best as he continues to further his career.

While Vanessa was known for delivering some sassy lines....Theo was known for always getting in trouble or grounded....or a stern talking to by Cliff. List at least 5 times this happened to Theo. Explain the episode or situation.

*For those of you who did not watch Cosby while growing up or you have not been able to see them in reruns...my heart goes out to you. But it is not too late. Season 1 is currently on sale at your local Target, Best Buy , or Wal-mart. Season 2 will be available March 7th. Go buy it before it is too late. :) "Deeper" posts will return after this tribute to the Cosby Show. :)

Cosby Show Fun!!

2006-02-05T16:20:00.000-08:00

Ok...this post is dedicated to Tempest Bledsoe...aka...Vanessa Huxtable. Currently she is on the reality Tv show...Celebrity Fit Club. Love it!! So...in honor of her desire to get rid of the "cute chunk"...we are going to have a little contest. I am going to list some of Vanessa's most memorable lines from different episodes of The Cosby Show. Your job is to identify the episode. If you can correctly name (describe) all of the episodes...you will receive a prize from Bath and Body Works. So....let's begin. (Nicole, Erin, and Jaclyn...do not let me down. :)

1. "You mean to tell me...you brought us out here in the cold and you don't have a key?"

2. "I always felt safe with him around."

3. "Robert...(Raaahhhbert)"

4. "And now Rudy may be blinded for life."

5. "They called me 'rich girl'"

6. "My man left me...my woman left me...my dog left me...and now all I can do is wine the
blues."

7. "Please do not eat that apple in my office."

8. "I love you Jeremy."

9. (singing) "Rules...rules are for fools."

10. (singing) "Everybody's doing a brand new dance now."

Bonus...."Now don't think I am complaining because I eat all of my vegtables and you don't buy me a thing."

Have fun!!!

Deep, rich love!!

2006-02-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

I think some of the most romanitc couples are those who have been married for many, many years. I love to see people in their 60s, 70s and 80s holding hands. There is an unspoken language between two people that are brought together. Beautiful. The other morning we had to take my uncle to the emergency room. I spent a lot of time with my aunt that day...just holding her hand and being near her. As I was sitting there I just kept thinking..."that is her partner...her life mate." And that just resonanted within me for quite awhile. I asked her yesterday how they met. In high school!!! He saw her and knew he wanted to marry her. And so he pursued her...got in good with her family by making them balloon animals. Precious. And now over 40 years later...that are still so connected. Even before he became sick...I always knew there was such a deep love...deep commitment between them. Marriage is such a sacred, sacred gift. I think that is why I get so passionate and excited when I talk about them. The Lord has brought me from a place of viewing "love" through the eyes of TV and movies...to realizing that it is something so much more than receiving flowers or that ooy gooey feeling.
But if Jesus says that He is the Bridegroom and we, the church are His bride...that is truly something to think about. The pursuit, romance, commitment, passion, and love is all there...but on a Holy scale. I want to know Him so intimately. When I see couples...whose relationships are grounded on the Word of God...and I see that deep, rich love they share...I know that my Savior deeply loves me. His love is amazing!!! (Even when I am being disciplined!!)

Sweet Little Tiffany

2006-01-31T09:19:00.000-08:00

Except for my 2 year stint of being "suave and sassy" in New Orleans, I have always been "cute and chunky." During middle school that was not always a good thing to be because kids can be cruel. Though I was popular and athletic...I was still picked on at times. My 8th grade year my class took a trip to Otter Creek Park to do a little camping, repeling, and splunking. It was great!!!! My fondest memory of that trip took place in a cave while we were...splunking. Just saying that makes me sound extreme. :) It was a pretty rough adventure, but fun. There were 25 boys in my class and only 5 girls (including me). For the most part we had all gone to school together since kindergarden, so we were tight. Anyway...we came to a part in the cave where we had to be lifted and pulled onto this rock. Well needless to say...being "fluffy" and having to depend on someone else to help me get on this rock was a little overwhelming for my sensitive heart. But...Paul Edwards came to my rescue. For that moment the boys in my class pulled together to help me. No one laughed. No one made any bad comment. Later Matt Kialein asked me if I was alright. ( He used to love to tease me in the 6th grade) But with their support and encouragement I made it. That moment still resonates inside of me. Nine years later I was a semester missionary in New Orleans (before seminary). I worked with my sweet little inner city babies. I taught Bible Club and I was a tutor...but more than that I was just there whenever they needed me. One day I decided to take my 2nd and 3rd graders to the playground so they could be kids. There was only 1 swing. It was pretty high so the kids had to jump into the swing from the ground. Well one of my kids...sweet little tiffany...reminded me of myself. She was cute and fluffy and she was having a little trouble getting into the swing. Before I could go over and help her...the class came together and lifted her onto the swing. The look on her face. The look on my face. Of course she was a journal entry that night. It is amazing what we can do we are encouraged and supported.
"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith..."- Hebrews 12:1-2a
I hear Abraham, Moses, Hannah, Ruth, Samuel, Peter, Paul, Mary mother of Jesus....cheering me on. Encouraging me through their stories. They struggled, they believed, they asked questions, they cried out...and Jehovah Raah...the God who sees...walked with them every step. And that same God that spoke to them and wrote their story...is the same Powerful, Loving, God who speaks to me as He writes my story.
Boston is a gift. I know that. Getting there...from here...though a gift as well...is a little bit harder. But I press on and allow those who have gone before me to encourage me along the way.

Keepin' it real!!!

2006-01-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

Obedience is a hard thing sometimes. Let's just be honest. Today I am completely overwhelmed about moving to Boston. Is it what I am supposed to do? Yes. Do I want to do it? No. At least not right now at this moment. Why? Moving to a part of the country where I know absolutely no one scares me. Raising support scares me. Being alone scares me. Messing up scares me. I am comfortable right now. I do not have a lot of bills. I have a job that I enjoy as well as the opportunity to advance in the company and "make a name for myself." I am needed, appreciated, and liked by my co-workers. I am close to my family. I won't get lost here like I know I will in Boston. :) It is not a matter of me feeling like I am making the wrong decision...it is a matter of what would be the worse that could happen if I change my mind and decide not to go. Let's just keep it real!! So then I ask myself why do I continue to say..."Ok Lord...let's go" Because my precious Shepherd has heard me and He is calling my name.

I wrote this during Passion...."Becokened, pursued, wooed, invited...to partake in a life of Holiness...to be captured and captivated by You. I hear you calling, yet why do I not respond. There is freedom in allowing You to be Lord, but the struggle is great. I want to win this fight but I can not do it alone. Search me and try me...find and expose the core of my greatest need and satisfy that need as only You know how. Cover me in the love that first drew me near. ....
The reason I have to go? Jesus. He promises that He will always be with me and He will hold me by my right hand. And there is going to be a lot of hand holdin' going on. People are constantly telling me how strong I am and how much faith I have. There was a song popular in the 90's with these lyrics...."They don't know that I go running home when I fall down. They don't know who picks me up when no one is around. I drop my sword and cry for just awhile. For deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child." That is me. I am strong because I have, in weakness wept before my Lord many times. I am strong because when everything and everyone has disappointed...He remains. I am strong simply because I know that in His presence I do not have to be. He has enough strength for me to stand on His shoulders. So though today I will not search the net for fun things to do in Boston, I will... one more time... crawl into His Words and let them encourage and sustain. And then when my joy comes in the morning...I will call AAA and order a map of Boston. :)

Where do broken hearts go?

2006-01-24T14:25:00.000-08:00

Please do not let the title fool you. I am not going to talk about broken hearts and how men are from Venus and women are from Mars...I will save that for another day. (Just Kidding) Those that know me well know that I love to talk about relationships, marriage, and love. Though I used to get really caught up in the "romance" portrayed in most "chic flicks" the Lord has replaced that with a passion for the holy romance that only He can create between two people. I have always enjoyed Valentines Day...except one year...my freshman year of high school. I am not sure why that year was so different. I had not expereinced heart break and though I had a huge crush on Carlos Jones...pause for a moment...sweetness...ok....I was not expecting flowers to be delivered to my door or receive a kiss under the stairs near the band room. But for some reason I decided to dress in black on Valentines Day. I had gym my freshman year and I was known for singing at the top of my lungs while we changed clothes and got ready for our next class. Well on this day of dressing in black to mourn the lack of love in my life...I decided to serenade my friends with the ever popular song by Whitney Houston, "Where do broken hearts go." I am sure even sweet Paula Abdul would have taken on the personality of Simon Cowell if she was asked to judge my singing. But that was many years ago. Since then I have a new outlook on the day. The opportunites to share love on this day are endless. I am sure there are several widows who are going to experience their first Valentines Day without their spouse. If you know someone like this...cook them dinner and deliver it to them. Go to a nursing home and deliver carnations to people that normally never have a visitor. If you work with someone who is single and is having a hard time with all of this Valentine's "Stuff" surprise them with some fresh flowers. Remember the little Valentine's Cards we used to exchange in grade school? Who says you have to be a fifth grader to pass them out? Mail them to friends and family. And...take time to tell the people who mean a lot to you...that you care about them. Love is such a gift. Do not take it for granted. Sometimes it is harder to receive the love of someone then to give it away. And even if your sweet heart is a little broken and wounded...visit the Ultimate Lover and let Him heal you and lavish (such a good word...just chew on that for awhile) His perfect Holy love on you. Be creative. Have fun. Take a risk.

Cute and Chunky

2006-01-19T21:38:00.000-08:00

Today was a "heavy" thinking day. The weather was absolutely beautiful so I knew that after work I must take a "Cynthia Day." For those that are unfamiliar with "Cynthia Day" let me explain. This is where I take a personal leave of absence. I am not really sure what I am taking personal leave from...but nonetheless I do. So after work I went home, put on a pair of Birkenstock ( because that is what you do when you take a personal day.) and headed to Starbucks. I have a new goal...to visit every Starbucks in Louisville, drink a cup of Chai (that is a Tall Chai Latte Skim please), write at least a page of notes for my book, and rate the entire experience on a 5 star scale. ( I am digressing in a major way but soon I will get to the title of this post.) Today the Chai was wonderful ( I added a little vanilla) but the atmosphere was a little chaotic so I rated this trip a 3. But I was sitting there listening to my Ipod (which included songs by Watermark, David Crowder, my sweet friend Sara Beth, and Matt Redman), reading Blue Like Jazz, alternating between my personal journal and my journal that contains thoughts about Boston, my book, Blue Like Jazz, and different sermons. My thoughts were heavy. Man. ( ok let the record show that is 12:45am Betty and Phil are still awake and they are being loud. My mother is laughing...we have the same laugh...and I think they are watching 227 or Amen...Bless)
So I needed a break from the intensity so I called my sweet friend Nanette and she answered the phone, "what's up homey." Loved it. So I left and headed to Subway...which is where the title comes into play. After I had my low fat sandwhich I realized, as I looked in the mirror in the bathroom, that I am no longer the suave and sassy woman I was while in N.O. I have become cute and chunky. That thought had the potential to push me over the edge. I mean my sister calls my Angela Davis because of my hair, then I had on these big, round earrings, a very cute scarf in my hair, baggy jeans, sweatshirt and Birks. Cute and chunky... that is me. I tell you turning 30 does something to the psyche. But this is what I learned...it is ok if I one day I where big round silver earrings and the next day my cute little heart earrings from Brighton. It is ok if I feel comfortable in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt one day and a killer outfit from Banana Republic the next day ( i have only shopped there once but the outfit is really cute) All of that stuff is going to fade. When I hug someone who is hurting or pray with someone because they are scared or I myself am crying to my sweet friend Erin because I wonder if I really do have a purpose...the clothes don't matter, the name brands, the kind or size of hair someone has. None of that matters. Just the heart. And though I refuse to remain cute and "chunky" I find such a sweet solace in knowing that my Jesus has arms that are strong enough to hold me and catch me. Yeah today was heavy...but I just exhaled...so that means it just got a little lighter.

Waiting for Michelle Kwan

2006-01-15T12:20:00.000-08:00

Ok..I am a HUGE ice skating fan. I have been since I was a little girl. I am not good at ice skating, but I love to watch it. Michelle Kwan is probably my favorite female skater. I have pretty much followed her professional career. Last night she was not able to compete in the National Championships ( which determine who will represent America in the Olympics in Feb.) so she had to petition in order to be considered as a member of the Olympic Team. At 11:00pm there was supposed to be a live broadcast which would let us know if she was going to be a part of the team. So at 11:00pm I turned on ESPN ( which I love to watch anyway) and waited. In the bottom part of the screen there was a little box stating that the live broadcast was only moments away. The announcer kept saying that the broadcast with the results...was only moments away. So I waited. 10min passed, 15 min passed and before I knew it 45 min. had passed and I still did not know if she was going to actually be on the team. I think all America ( or maybe I was the only person who really stayed awake to wait) knew that the ruling was going to be in her favor...but I just wanted to actually hear them say it. I was getting sleepy and tired...but I needed to know. While I waited I was updated on what was going on in the NFL. I am now a huge fan of the not only the Denver Broncos but also New England Patriots. I learned that Lebron James committed to being a part of the Olympic team for 2008. A coach for a NHL team was fired and the GM took his position. I learned a lot while I was waiting. I wanted to go to bed but they kept saying that the announcement was only moments away. And I believed them. ( whoever this "them" is) And finally 1 1/2 hours later the scheduled 11:00pm time to announce the results...I learned Michelle Kwan was apart of the team. I did not jump up and down. I simply went to bed. ( excited nonetheless) Since June I have heard the Lord beckoning me to my promised land. He did not say where...He really did not give me any details. But He told me to wait because soon He would reveal the next step. So June, July, August, September, October, November and December passed by. During this time I have grown tired, wanted to throw in the towel, shed some tears, and pulled the covers over my head ready to call it a day. But I couldn't because He kept telling me that "the" announcement was only moments away. I because of His faithfulness in my life...I believed Him. I believe Him. As I waited I learned that He does reign, I desperately need to be invested with people and loving on them, I have a heart for those who have all of the "knowledge" in the world yet are living in ignorance and darkness, and that whatever I do I must do it for the Glory of Jesus Christ. Well after 8 months, I heard the announcement. I am moving to Boston( after the summer) to be a part of a church plant. Like knowing that Michelle would be named to the team, I knew there was something for me to do in God's kingdom and part of me believed it was in Boston...but I needed to hear God make the announcement. So now a new journey begins...but my mind is still processing. I will share those thoughts at a later time.

80's Crushes

2006-01-12T12:40:00.000-08:00

Ok...I just realized that my last couple of posts were really long and heavy. So I deceided to do write something a little light. I think my mind needs a break because it has been in overdrive for the past 24hours.

So I decided to make a list of all of the curshes I had during the 80's. Some of the guys listed below actually made my "poster wall" when I was just a young girl. Please don't judge based on the names listed below...beauty is in the eye of the beholder. :)

Ralph Macchio
Kirk Cameron
Cockroach from the Cosby Show
Robert from the Cosby Show ( Vanessa's Boyfriend)
Johnny Depp (during 21 Jump Street)
All of the New Kids
All of New Edition...especially Ralph Tresvant and Johnny Gill ( I know they were really singing to me!!)
And finally...again please do not judge....Randy Jackson. He was definitely working the Jerri Curl!!!!

Song Sustainer

2006-01-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

Well after a couple of days of processing I can now share a little about the Passion Conference. There is nothing like being in a large arena with 18,000 people lifting up the name of Jesus. I think what blesses my heart is the fact that when we lift up the name of Jesus He promieses to draw all men to Himself. My heart gets excited as I think about the people who had face to face encounters with the Living Savior. Rich!!!! On the first night I was standing at the very top of the areana looking out and singing "Your Grace is Enough" with Chris Tomlin. And it hit me...I have been singing this song since August. But...it has been just me and Chris (he was inside of my ear as I was listening to my ipod.) And now I was surrounded by 17,999 other people and it felt really good. The Lord has not only sustained me during this transitional, wilderness-like season, but He has also sustained my song. For that He is praised. I think the highlight of my week came when I was able to pray with 3 girls, all believers but dealing with such deep hurts. At a moment during the week where I felt a little insignificant, God allowed me to share and encourage someone else. He showed me that I may be insignificant in my little bitty story...but in His story though my role is small...He adores me and has a purpose for me. I would rather be a small character in His story than a large character in my little story. There is nothing in the world like hearing the Lover of my soul whisper my name!!! I am not...but I know I AM.

Finally

2006-01-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

Well...after many years of saying that I am going to write a book I finally started it last night. I always thought I would have to wait until I was older or had experienced a lot of life. But I realized that I am older and for just being 30yrs old I have experienced a lot of life. (WIth a couple of traumatic experiences thrown in there.) I will not disclose any of the information about the book just quite yet. I will say that with the two hours I spent yesterday writing I am excited. My friend Greg told me this weekend...why don't you just write. So that is what I am doing. Who knows if it will ever make the bookshelf at Barnes and Noble or LIfeway...but just to have it published, read by a couple of people who are encouraged and have a deeper love for the Savior...that is enough for me. To God Be The Glory.

My Life

2005-12-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

So I decided to ask some of the people that I work with what year they were born. For some reason this seems less intrusive then asking someone how old they are. I almost fell out at some of the responses. I think the best response was....1987. Are you kidding me? In 1987 I had already been wearing a bra for FOUR years. Bless. I think being 30 started to really sink in when a a girl at work called me "lady." Someone in her class (because she is still in high school) came into to the store and took some pictures of me for her Black and White Photography project. Well Sara, the young lady that I work with saw the pictures hanging in the studio at school and told her friend..." I work with that lady." Are you kidding me. I feel in the depth of my being that she was not using the term to refer to me as, "a woman showing refinement or high social position". But because I am OLD!!!! I mean let's face it the following ladies share my age; Charlize Theron ( Oscar winner), Angelina Joely (Oscar winner dating Brad Pitt), Drew Barrymore...and then you have me. But...I am deterimed to make 30 the best year thus far. So we shall see what the next 344 have in store for me.

Manifest

2005-12-20T20:18:00.000-08:00

So I really love words. There are some words that are just plain fun to say, i.e. plethura, facetious, etc. And then there are some words that just seem to resonate, i.e, extravagant, intimate, eloquent, etc. Those that know me well know that I love to use one word descriptions for things such as sunsets, personalities, and people. I have been in the habit of ascribing a one word description to certain seasons of my life. My time in central Asia was "wilderness". The period I was in Idaho was "disciple". For this most recent season I have racked my brain trying to find a word that best fits June - December. A couple of weeks ago at church a guest choir sang a song titled, "Manifest." O my goodness is was great. I instantly fell in the love with the word and I knew that I needed to paint a picture with bold, fall colors with the word "manifest" written in the middle. So I did. If I do say so myself it is a beatiful display of gold, red, and orange with a touch of brown. So I deceided to reread the definition of the word. Manifest - clearly appparent; obvoius. Manifestation - the act or state of being manifest. And then it hit me. Isn't that what this entire journey is? A manifestation of the who the Lord already knows that I am. A manifestation of who He always is. With each step He reveals something new about Himself...new to me. As I embrace and believe those truths I am transformed. When He looks at me, He sees me as redeemed. As I stared at the blank canvas before I applied the paint, I saw before me a world of possiblities. The canvas was clean and new. When my Father looks at me I am clean and new. Now if I could learn to daily abide, dwell, and reside in that truth. Manifest.

Own Backyard

2005-12-15T05:54:00.000-08:00

So the other night after my niece's Christmas play...me and the parental units went to Long John Silver's. (that in itself is another entry.) Anyway, the main dining room was closed so we had to go through drive through...they were paying but we were in seperate cars. Well my parents had about 10 coupons and it took them awhile to decide what they wanted. (If you know Betty and Phil then you have a clear visual.) Well after they order my father gets out of the car and brings me the coupons. Well then he needs another coupoun so he comes back to my car and I give him the coupons that were left. ( A sheet of paper full of coupons.) Well he gets in the car and then gets back out of the car...but this time he is looking on the ground for the "coupon" that I gave him. He is searching and searching. (Mind you this is going on while we are still in the drive-thru lane with 4 min until closing.) He gets back in his car and the light comes on as he and my mother begin searching frantically for this little piece of paper. Well it occurs to me...because I am removed from the chaos of the situation, that he did not tear the coupon when I gave him the sheet of paper...therefore what he needed he did not lose to begin with. So I call him on my cell phone (it was cold and and I did not want to get out of the car.) I told him that he had not torn the coupon off of the sheet yet. And he realized that he had been holding the sheet of paper the entire time. Even during his search...he already had what he needed. Much like Dorothy when she was in OZ. She was able to go home anytime she wanted...but she did not realize it. And when she returned to the place that she had tried to escape she realized that all she had ever really wanted was in her own backyard. The Israelites were so close to their promise land...but they began to panic and disobey and seek other gods, and as a result their journey took a lot longer than it needed to. Much like my own life. Things that I have wanted and wanted have sometimes been right in my grasp. But I didn't realize it until either I desperately needed it or I didn't have it anymore. So now when I begin to truly desire or ask for something, I check my "backyard" first to see if it is already there.

Bare Trees

2005-12-11T20:24:00.000-08:00

Last weekend while in Nashvegas we were driving to church and Nicole said something really profound. This will be a paraphrase. Now that the trees are bare, we are able to see things we have never seen before. I LOVE THAT!!! That thought goes perfectly with the song by Nicole Nordeman "Seasons" ( I think that is the title) Anyway, during fall the trees surrender and forfeit their leaves. But they have to do this so new leaves can grow. Much like us...when we surrender the little things that we hold onto so tightly, we make room for the Lord to add new things to our life. And during surrender there is a sense of freedom...we are able to see things clearer. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. But surrender is so stinkin' hard. There are things that I am clinging to like it is my job. And it is not like I have not tasted the sweet freedom of surrender. And though I know that the Lord is ready to bless...I still hold onto the old. But when I do finally let go...because I will........I will stand (or maybe fall before Him) ready to receive.

2005-12-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

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