Cute and Chunky

Today was a "heavy" thinking day. The weather was absolutely beautiful so I knew that after work I must take a "Cynthia Day." For those that are unfamiliar with "Cynthia Day" let me explain. This is where I take a personal leave of absence. I am not really sure what I am taking personal leave from...but nonetheless I do. So after work I went home, put on a pair of Birkenstock ( because that is what you do when you take a personal day.) and headed to Starbucks. I have a new goal...to visit every Starbucks in Louisville, drink a cup of Chai (that is a Tall Chai Latte Skim please), write at least a page of notes for my book, and rate the entire experience on a 5 star scale. ( I am digressing in a major way but soon I will get to the title of this post.) Today the Chai was wonderful ( I added a little vanilla) but the atmosphere was a little chaotic so I rated this trip a 3. But I was sitting there listening to my Ipod (which included songs by Watermark, David Crowder, my sweet friend Sara Beth, and Matt Redman), reading Blue Like Jazz, alternating between my personal journal and my journal that contains thoughts about Boston, my book, Blue Like Jazz, and different sermons. My thoughts were heavy. Man. ( ok let the record show that is 12:45am Betty and Phil are still awake and they are being loud. My mother is laughing...we have the same laugh...and I think they are watching 227 or Amen...Bless)
So I needed a break from the intensity so I called my sweet friend Nanette and she answered the phone, "what's up homey." Loved it. So I left and headed to Subway...which is where the title comes into play. After I had my low fat sandwhich I realized, as I looked in the mirror in the bathroom, that I am no longer the suave and sassy woman I was while in N.O. I have become cute and chunky. That thought had the potential to push me over the edge. I mean my sister calls my Angela Davis because of my hair, then I had on these big, round earrings, a very cute scarf in my hair, baggy jeans, sweatshirt and Birks. Cute and chunky... that is me. I tell you turning 30 does something to the psyche. But this is what I learned...it is ok if I one day I where big round silver earrings and the next day my cute little heart earrings from Brighton. It is ok if I feel comfortable in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt one day and a killer outfit from Banana Republic the next day ( i have only shopped there once but the outfit is really cute) All of that stuff is going to fade. When I hug someone who is hurting or pray with someone because they are scared or I myself am crying to my sweet friend Erin because I wonder if I really do have a purpose...the clothes don't matter, the name brands, the kind or size of hair someone has. None of that matters. Just the heart. And though I refuse to remain cute and "chunky" I find such a sweet solace in knowing that my Jesus has arms that are strong enough to hold me and catch me. Yeah today was heavy...but I just exhaled...so that means it just got a little lighter.