Keepin' it real!!!

Obedience is a hard thing sometimes. Let's just be honest. Today I am completely overwhelmed about moving to Boston. Is it what I am supposed to do? Yes. Do I want to do it? No. At least not right now at this moment. Why? Moving to a part of the country where I know absolutely no one scares me. Raising support scares me. Being alone scares me. Messing up scares me. I am comfortable right now. I do not have a lot of bills. I have a job that I enjoy as well as the opportunity to advance in the company and "make a name for myself." I am needed, appreciated, and liked by my co-workers. I am close to my family. I won't get lost here like I know I will in Boston. :) It is not a matter of me feeling like I am making the wrong decision...it is a matter of what would be the worse that could happen if I change my mind and decide not to go. Let's just keep it real!! So then I ask myself why do I continue to say..."Ok Lord...let's go" Because my precious Shepherd has heard me and He is calling my name.

I wrote this during Passion...."Becokened, pursued, wooed, invited...to partake in a life of Holiness...to be captured and captivated by You. I hear you calling, yet why do I not respond. There is freedom in allowing You to be Lord, but the struggle is great. I want to win this fight but I can not do it alone. Search me and try me...find and expose the core of my greatest need and satisfy that need as only You know how. Cover me in the love that first drew me near. ....
The reason I have to go? Jesus. He promises that He will always be with me and He will hold me by my right hand. And there is going to be a lot of hand holdin' going on. People are constantly telling me how strong I am and how much faith I have. There was a song popular in the 90's with these lyrics...."They don't know that I go running home when I fall down. They don't know who picks me up when no one is around. I drop my sword and cry for just awhile. For deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child." That is me. I am strong because I have, in weakness wept before my Lord many times. I am strong because when everything and everyone has disappointed...He remains. I am strong simply because I know that in His presence I do not have to be. He has enough strength for me to stand on His shoulders. So though today I will not search the net for fun things to do in Boston, I will... one more time... crawl into His Words and let them encourage and sustain. And then when my joy comes in the morning...I will call AAA and order a map of Boston. :)