Swimming

I love to play in the water!!! I can tolerate the Ocean...but it is really the pool that I deeply enjoy. However...I do not know how to swim. Tonight I went to the YMCA to workout and I passed by the pool where they were having swim lessons. It made me think about the time I took swim lessons. Now...I only lasted one lesson. It wasn't because I was lazy that I quit...I was just so very scared of drowning. I was only in the 5th grade...old enough to handle the class...but not brave enough to follow through. Looking back now I realize that I really did not want to learn how to swim. Whenever I put my mind to something...and I believe in it...my entire heart gets wrapped around the situation. But after only one lesson I was just too scared. Now my instructor was extremely kind...but I was just too scared of the possibility of drowning. Now though I still have a lot of fun in the pool...I have gone off diving boards, been to a water park, down water slides, jumped waves in the Ocean...I still wish I knew how to swim. I miss out on doing laps, racing with my friends, going in the deep end while playing Marco Polo. Whenever I go under water I have to hold my nose...which is really hard to do when you are trying to do a back flip. :) I love being in the water. It is soo relaxing. It makes me feel like I am a part of something bigger than myself. As I passed by the pool tonight I thought about my fear of drowning which was preventing me from learning to swim...and I thought about my relationship with Jesus. I love Jesus. O my goodness I love Him. And though I know He is calling me to a life completely and 100% sold out to Him...I get a little scared of what that means. What will I really have to give up? What desires will I be able to keep and see fulfilled and what desires do I have to let go of? How much longer can I be content with just being excited about being apart of something...Someone...bigger than myself. I see Godly men and women who live lives of obedience and surrender. Are they perfect...no...but they know the Savior in a way that I desperately desire to know Him. They daily choose to walk that path that is Narrow...man it is narrow. I live in the world of analogies. I don't have to search and dig to try and put something together to make it "spiritual." It is a part of everyday life for me. Sometimes I want to turn my mind off. But I love it when He speaks to me. It is hard though because I then become accountable with what He has entrusted me with. (sorry for ending that sentence with a preposition) I got it in my mind that I want to lose weight and be healthy...so I go to the gym...even when it is hard. I know in my heart and mind I am to move to Boston...so I start making plans...even when it is hard. But the Savior of the World...the Oh so good Shepherd is extending His hand...desiring to take me into the depth of His presence...and I hesitate. I do not have an eloquent ending. I just needed to get all of that out. (sorry once again for the preposition.)