Raw Thoughts

On Sunday night I went to a Young Adult/Contemporary worship service. This was not the first time I had been to this particular church...but on this night I was having one of those days when you just either want to stay under the covers or have someone give you a hug that seems to last for an eternity. I did not want to go...but I knew that I needed to. So I pulled into the parking lot...there were already tons of people there. ( I normally get there early so I can kind of watch and observe as opposed to being observed. So I took a deep breath and proceeded to walk inside and wait for the doors of the chapel to open. As soon as they did I took a seat in the back (normally I am down front) but that night I wanted to blend in. Of course I whipped out the journal and started writing. So...I am going to share those thoughts in their raw, unedited form. (I feel like I am talking about a movie that is going to be on TV and the announcer says..."viewer discretion advised." No worries...these thoughts are rated G. :)

"Surely I am not the only one who is wonderfing right now if I matter...have a purpose...am needed or wanted....Walking alone through a crowd can at times be a very liberating experience. Not so much today....it is scary and intimidating. But it forces me not to look down at my shoes - but to walk with my head high. Not in a "unapproachable" kind of way - but like I am choosing and enjoying being here alone. It would be very easy to make a list of all that I am not as these "beautiful" people walk past me. But they too had to check the mirror before they left home wondering if they looked "good enough" to come and worship the Creator who always sees us as beautiful. So I take it all in and choose not to plant my feet in this way of thinking...easier said than done? Not at the moment. In a little while we will dim the lights and acknowledge that all who gather here by grace draw near and bless His name. "

I left leaving some things on the altar. It was a good night.