Still there?

I love being with people who are down and out. Not because it makes me realize that I am blessed...but because I am able to offer love to someone that feels rejected and alone. That is how I first met Jesus almost 12 years ago. About 5 years ago I was in Mobile, Alabama as a site director. While visiting one of my track leaders at a nursing home, I broke away from the group to visit this cute little lady who was sitting alone in her wheelchair in an empty room. I remember that she was wearing something blue. That is not important...but I just remember that fact. I knelt down beside her and realized that she was blind. She was so beautiful. She had lots of wrinkles on her face and hands...so I knew that she had lived. I try talking to her but she did not respond. So I decided to sing to her. After singing Amazing Grace, I sang " I Can Only Imagine." After I finished I was quiet for awhile...but then her sweet voice said, "Are you still there?" Though I was sitting right beside her...she did not know I was there...but wanting the affirmation of not being alone...compeled her to speak. Last night I was weary. I could not hear Jesus singing over me...and so I asked Him if He was still there. Of course He is...but I needed to know. King David needed to know...several times he needed to know. He is not going to leave. But sometimes I get turned around and I have to beg Him to come and find me. He is so good. I am glad that His word ( praise Him for giving us His Word) promises me that He will never leave nor forsake me. I don't know about you...but I can never get tired of hearing that. Praise Him.

Raw Thoughts

On Sunday night I went to a Young Adult/Contemporary worship service. This was not the first time I had been to this particular church...but on this night I was having one of those days when you just either want to stay under the covers or have someone give you a hug that seems to last for an eternity. I did not want to go...but I knew that I needed to. So I pulled into the parking lot...there were already tons of people there. ( I normally get there early so I can kind of watch and observe as opposed to being observed. So I took a deep breath and proceeded to walk inside and wait for the doors of the chapel to open. As soon as they did I took a seat in the back (normally I am down front) but that night I wanted to blend in. Of course I whipped out the journal and started writing. So...I am going to share those thoughts in their raw, unedited form. (I feel like I am talking about a movie that is going to be on TV and the announcer says..."viewer discretion advised." No worries...these thoughts are rated G. :)

"Surely I am not the only one who is wonderfing right now if I matter...have a purpose...am needed or wanted....Walking alone through a crowd can at times be a very liberating experience. Not so much today....it is scary and intimidating. But it forces me not to look down at my shoes - but to walk with my head high. Not in a "unapproachable" kind of way - but like I am choosing and enjoying being here alone. It would be very easy to make a list of all that I am not as these "beautiful" people walk past me. But they too had to check the mirror before they left home wondering if they looked "good enough" to come and worship the Creator who always sees us as beautiful. So I take it all in and choose not to plant my feet in this way of thinking...easier said than done? Not at the moment. In a little while we will dim the lights and acknowledge that all who gather here by grace draw near and bless His name. "

I left leaving some things on the altar. It was a good night.

Live at the 401!!

I do not have a digital camera. The only time this really seems to affect me is when I want to post pictures on this blog. The reason is...and I must be honest ... is only because everyone else leaves pictures and it does add a little something. This past week I went on a road trip. It was great. ( I will write about that later.) At the end of my roadtrip I was able to perform in Nashvegas. Some of the local establishments were looking for new...raw talent. I knew that this would be a great opportunity for me to be discovered. It was also a great time for me to capture this great moment on film and share it with all of you. (whoever you are.) These pictures were taken by my dear friend Erin Whitney (she is the girl who is in the picture with me on the couch.) while I performed at the 401. ( a great place if you have never been) She was a huge support that night. The reviews were great. I was told that I was a mix between Lauryn Hill and Gretchen Wilson. My song of choice for the night was Fancy. It was a great night!!! I think all of the artists that performed are going to be compiled on a special edition ITunes mix. I will let you know when that will be released. Enjoy the pictures.