Love

I am so glad that God offers Grace. I am thankful that He receives me. How can I possibly think that I can make it a single day without Him. He is simply sooooo good. He is always present...even when it seems like He is miles away. He holds my life in His hands. He knows me by name...and He calls my name. He doesn't hide or play games. He doesn't shut down or ignore me. He is never moody...but accepts me even when I am. He never lies...He only speaks Truth. He knows every single broken part of me...and He longs to heal it. He doesn't push me away but pulls me closer. He promises to never leave me. His songs are always sweet. Even when He must discipline me...He does so because of love. With Him I am never too emotional or too overwhelming. He listens...always. One of my favorite movies is First Knight. Mainly because of one scene. Sean Connery ( who is very attrative though he is 70 years old) is leading his new wife to the edge of this little cliff so he can show her all of the land that belongs to her. The reason why I love that scene is because I always imagine that when I see Jesus face to face...He will take me by my hand, tell me that He has been waiting for me, and then He will show me the place where I will spend forever with Him. People think I have this great big heart...so full of love. Wrong. Truly the only good thing in me is Jesus. I want to be like Mary of Bethany and pour everything at His feet. Disregarding everyone else around me. Simply because He is Jesus. Saying I need Him every hour is an understatement. The other day I was feeling a little blah...but I knew I could not give up. He has placed this hope so deep within me. Not necessarily a hope for one particular thing...but just hope. I thought about the beautiful hymn...O Love that Wilt Not Let Me Go. So true. I may never walk an aisle here on earth...but with everything that is within me...I know that I have been chosen to be His bride. And right now that is more than enough. Sometimes I just think....it is not a dream...I really will get to see Him one day...face to face. What a day of rejoicing that will be.

He really does know me.

Yesterday was one of those days when you just need to know that someone out there truly does know you to the core. So let's get real for a moment. Last night I was having a conversation with my mother. We were talking about things taking place in the black church. Now...I would be naive to think that are society is unaware of the stereotypes attributed to the different ethnicities...so I am not going to try and be politically correct. Anyway, I made the comment that I love being black. And she did not believe me. I was floored. She then said there was a time when she believed I did not want to be black. Her reasoning was because in college I started wearing flannel shirts. I was completely devestated. My father told me that I should cross the bridge and get over it. I told him that I expect a comment like that from someone who does not know me...but not from my mother. I know that I will get over it...right now those words just echo in my head. I have said before...being black is not something that I have to try and become...it is something that I am. And I am very proud of that. But last night my little heart was so sad. I thought if my mother does not know me...(and that is what it really felt like) then who else is there. So I had to turn to some Truth before my overanalyzing mind kicked into full gear. And I read Ps. 139. Two things I just kept reading and saying in my mind over and over again. (much like Nelly and Tim McGraw...see if Nelly can sing with a country singer...why can't I like a little Rascal Flatts) Not only does my Father know me...but He has known me and He understands my thoughts. That is rich. Sometimes I take that for granted. But last night I grabbed onto that Truth. I am just me. The other day I reminded a friend to go to the Lord because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. This is a burden I have carried for a long time. I can actually remeber the first time it became a burden...But I am tired of carrying it. So now that I know a little more about the One who knows and understands me...maybe I can take Him at His word even more and get some freedom in this area of my life.

Identity

I have been watching this new reality show lately...Black and White. They take two families and they switch races. They try and find out what it is like to be the other race. It is a very interesting show and makes me ponder several things. I am always aware that I am black and I am always aware that I am a woman. Those two things are not going to change. I love being black!!! I enjoy learning about the rich heritage of African-Americans and the things that we as a people have endured. I love being a woman. What a gift. ( Not saying that being a man is not a gift!!!) I love feeling soft and feminine, yet possessing this strength that is full of grace and beauty. I enjoy learning about women in the Bible and the beautiful way that God has used women. Amazing. There is another part of my identity that I am just now starting to truly embrace. Ambassador of Christ. That is very much a part of who I am. Even though I have been told that I do not fully represent the stereotypes attributed to black people...being black is not something I have to try and become....it is who I am. As much as I try...I can not become an Ambassador of Christ...it is who I am. So what does that mean? I better know Who it is that I am representing. I have to know His character, His name, His love. I have to know Him.